JWR Articles: Film/DVD - The Big Thing (Director/Writer: Aleks Horvat) - June 30, 2008
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The Big Thing

1 1
90 min.

Big on fetish, short on laughs

It’s not many films that utilize an obsessive foot fetish as a major plot device, but those who do have a taste for the shortest limbs may well want to turn the sound down and just fast forward through the toe-play sequences between Roberto Montalban (Bryan Cranston) and his manipulative wife Canada (Alexandra Boyd).

For the rest of us, writer/director Aleks Horvat comes up largely empty in this “comedic romp” that features the trials and tribulations of a couple of hippies (Bari Buckner as Mo, Van Quattro plays Ned) who arrive a week late for the wedding of the “no-relation-to-Montalban,” footloose couple. Their van-is-my-castle transportation has to be pushed the last 100 yards, instantly ruining the curb appeal of the newlyweds who may have known the wayward roamers in school—perhaps even in the biblical sense.

Next door lives Beiber (Gideon Brower) who has Ned Beatty fantasies while boffing with the maid, Pei Pei (Susan Chuang is the only cast member capable of igniting a giggle; tellingly, her funniest moments come during the outtakes that accompany the credits).

That just leaves Beiber’s wife (Lee Garlington), making a late appearance and nearly spoiling hubby’s paid-for-sex-party-in-the-garage with an unwanted blow job (the perpetual looking-for-lust, furry-chested cheater incapable of reloading even as his salivation over what might be in Superman’s Speedos drive him, er, nuts) and Roberto’s laundromat business partner, James (Jay Arlen Jones, “looking fine today” in his boxers) to complete the troupe but bring little else to this series of lame jokes in search of a script.

As predictable as it is unbelievable (Mo’s several-month pregnancy comes as a shock to her doting, frequent-humper partner), the only one having any fun is the old geezer who pops onto the screen in the tradition of Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In. If asked why this was ever made, look no further than the motto of the newest members of the neighbourhood: “I don’t know.” JWR

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