With real-life Somali pirates frequently in the news, Joone’s R-rated Pirates series is a welcome tonic for those who prefer booby to booty and/or delight in monstrously creative digital special effects.
With a bevy of trademark protected babes (Jesse Jane®, Katsuni™, Gabriella Fox™, Shay Jordan™ and Stoya™) frequently displaying their treasure chests for fearless/fearful captains, their mates and themselves, those who aren’t really into the loosely constructed plot could still turn down the sound and still have a swashbuckling time.
Through the magic of Digital Playground’s computer wizards, the term “skeleton crew” takes on even wider meaning, only to be outdone by a couple of land and sea monsters that perish far too readily with such a crowd of cast and extras on hand to become an instant dinner.
Evan Stone plays the insecure but goodhearted Captain Edwards with an appropriate sense of fun, happily embellishing his overblown past exploits to engage, disrobe and unleash his tireless engorgement to his adoring, voracious fans. Nemesis Captain Victor Stagnetti (the hilariously named Tommy Gunn) goes through an incredible rebirth but has to settle for murder and mayhem rather than romp and relaxation. Lucky enough not to lose his head during the inevitable final struggle, the fleeting vision of evil incarnate is easily set up for a third appearance for the next installment of unbounded libido on the high seas.
Winning the actual battles is master gunner Woo, armed with magical powder potions from his native China. Sister Eye revels in her role as ship slut, ready to massage all, er, comers at the drop of their britches. Sadly, the artistic trust has deemed it still fine and “funny” to have both Asian characters substitute “r” with “l,” rendering their dialogue as if it came out of the original Charlie Chan films. In this day and age, Joone should be forced to walk the plank.
Nonetheless, Pirates II could liven up an otherwise dull evening and perhaps raise a mast or unfurl the sheets of its fun-loving admirers. JWR