Hatchet movie poster

None will be missed

Writer/director Adam Green’s attempt at a slasher flick fails on all counts:

The numerous atrophied body parts evoke chuckles at best, nary a gasp; the lame dialogue (“About as fun as a bag of dicks.”) makes one wish for a foreign-language version with no sub-titles; the plot is as lost as the Bayou swamp tour boat; the acting skills match the script; the “monster” (Kane Hodder as Victor Crowley) would never be convicted by any court for clearing the set of bimbos (Mercedes McNab—valiantly enduring the blonde “jokes,” Joleigh Fioreaventi), lecher/businessman (Joel Murray) , directionless tour guide (Parry Shen), titty-loving, ever-so-token black (Deon Richmond), stereotypical “older” tourist couple (Patrioka Darbo, Richard Riehle), revenge-seeking daughter/sister (Tamara Feldman) and hero-without-a-cause (Joel Moore).

Only a brief, nicely sculpted bass clarinet line provides any redeeming quality.

Let’s hope the tax credits were worth it.

Director/Writer	Adam Green
Producers	Scott Altomare, Sarah Elbert
Original Music	Andy Garfield
Cinematography	Will Barratt
Costume Design	Heather Sladinski
Film Editing	Christopher Roth
Main Cast	Joel Moore, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond, Kane Hodder, Mercedes McNab, Parry Shen, Patrioka Darbo, Richard Riehle, Joleigh Fioreaventi, Robert Englund

Cross Reference: The Passion of the Christ